Yet this is not the first time I have broken a promise to the readers of this blog. I hesitate to count the number of times I have said I will be posting at least thrice a week. The many times I have said I will reply to all emails, Facebook and Twitter messages but failed to do so
At the face of it some would think it normal, after all who expects a prostitute to have any sense of responsibility? To some extent that is part of the reason I break many of my promises, but I wouldn't put it as crudely. After being on the Street for a while you acquire a certain sense of casualness in almost everything, even in matters that require a certain level of seriousness. Virtues like trust, commitment, honesty, and honoring of own word cease to matter. In its stead just a casualness; an attitude of showing the world the middle finger and walking away smiling and carefree.
This works pretty well when you are under, informal and not part of the system. But the moment you join the others, when you go mainstream it cant work. You cant really F the world. If you do the world will F you instead. Still, unless you wants to live an average life you cant suck up to the world. You just have to find a middle point. A sort of agreement where you know when to F the world and when to kiss its large ass.
When I decided to build a brand it meant in several ways I was coming from the gutter and going mainstream. There were things I was supposed to adjust to. Commitment was supposed to be one. Writing discipline another. And so was honoring deadlines and being a little formal. I should have taken the blog more seriously than I do. The irony though is that my brand and blog is based on who I am, I change that drastically and my personality is diluted . Or is that lame?
I always ask myself what obligation I have to my readers. Looking at my blog statistics I see there are people who are faithful, those who will visit the blog everyday hoping to find a new post. And when they don't they check the next day and the one after. Remember the days I could post three or more times in a week consistently?
Then the times I could not post often or reply to mail because I didn't have access to a computer, and then with some level of privacy. That is no longer the case. I now have good access to a computer, I only need to get a modem. I may give many excuses why I have been so irregular with the blog, but as of present I have to admit I have bitten more than I can chew. Behind the scenes this blog has opened quite a number of opportunities for me. Things to do with writing, research and the like. Yet I should not sacrifice the blog for all that, at least not now. All the opportunities, and many I have missed by not doing my email often, wouldn't have come in the first place without the blog, and the blog wouldn't have been known without readership. I know its two way; people read because they want to get news and views from another side of town, but I also gain by getting the exposure which a few times I have turned to clients and now the work that has overwhelmed me.
I am sure there is a Greek tragedy about a person who is destroyed by the same thing that made them successful. ( I guess that is also the meaning of Fela Kuti's song Water Has No Enemy) . That might happen to me, though I consider myself not very successful. Nevertheless I cant sacrifice the opportunities for the blog. I just have to get some middle ground. And this time round I think I have it right.
Writing this blog is not a creative exercise. These are my personal thoughts and experiences so it should be easy to write them. But then again I need to organize my thoughts, I need to pick them from all corners of my brain and join them into something comprehensible. Sometimes I don't focus and concentrate enough. And its so easy to tell from the post. The problem is I only realize it later.
I also need not to suck up to readers. Not to feel a total obligation to write what some readers want but to let things flow naturally. To write what is pricking me at the time. To write when I feel like but consistently. But there are moments when I have no time and decide to answer a reader's question or comment through a quick post. The result are usually not very good.
Almost a year down the line I kid myself not that this blog is about building a brand per se. I also derive some fun and satisfaction writing it. There is something great about writing. Something even greater about being called names by a virtual person and getting into some intellectual cold war. I envisioned the brand would be about sex in its direct form, but things took their own turn and there is quite some things coming out of by the end of the year or sometime in the next one. Starting the blog was one of the best decisions I ever made. I have learned a lot, and I am in a constant state of discovery. And everything failing I have acquired a database of a large number of men I could service, a few whom I have. If I gave myself three weeks to service all of them continuously at once I would retire happily. The thing withe Street cash is you spend it as it comes. And even if I make 30,000 in a month I can hardly account for it.
So what next? In a way all the above are loud thoughts which you don't care about. I will still run the blog. At least in December I know I will and give it more time. I am assured the sex thoughts ebook will be available starting this coming Monday. Compared to this blog the ebook is quite dirty.My insights into the act of sex itself, and as happens with me I could not avoid looking at a bigger picture even when talking of size and style. I will give the background of how it came to be, and since I am not fully in control of it, how it will be available.
When the Illustrated Ebook left my hands something went wrong. But I am following up on it. I want it out and free this December. From my records I guess I still owe one or two people a hundred shillings for the book. Please drop me an email. Sometime this year someone requested I participate in some online sex seminars, I plan to do that in December. There is also a long behind the scenes article which has been done about me. It paints me as someone confused and with many personal issues. I had a problem with it being released but I think I will let it circulate, and you judge for yourself. Will keep you updated about it.
Because I am taking a break from my other work tomorrow, I will start by doing my messages this weekend: Facebook, Twitter and email. Some of it many months old, the relevance expired and relationships broken but I will still reply. My inbox as of today at 1 am reads 4645, Quite a number being Facebook, Twitter and blogger alerts but I estimate about 1600 being personal. A fortnight ago I read in the Sunday Nation that replying to email reduces your IQ. I bet by the week's time in which I plan to be done with the thousand plus emails I will have a negative IQ.
Next post on Monday.
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